How to host a virtual party people actually enjoy

Everyone has been to a bad online party: thirty faces in a grid, two people talking, everyone else on mute, and a slow drift of “sorry, got to go” messages after forty minutes. A good virtual party is possible. It just needs a bit more hosting than a real one, because a screen does none of the work a room does. Here is how to host one people actually enjoy.

1. Decide what kind of party it is

A virtual birthday for your mum, a leaving do for a colleague and a night out with friends in four countries are different parties. Decide first:

• Who is it for? The guest of honour sets the tone.
• How long? Shorter than you think. Ninety minutes to two hours is plenty for a call.
• Talk or do? Some parties are for catching up. Others need something to do. Most need both.

2. Keep the group the right size

On a single video call, only one person can really talk at a time. With eight people, that is fine. With thirty, most guests become an audience. If your party is big, either split into smaller rooms or choose a format where people can move around and form their own groups (more on that below).

3. Pick a time that works across time zones

If your guests are spread out, find the window that suits most of them and say the time in each zone in the invitation. Nobody should have to do maths to come to your party.

4. Send a proper invitation

An online party deserves an invitation, not a link in a group chat. Include the date, the time in each zone, the link, how long it will run, what to wear or bring, and what you will be doing. If you want people to test the link or make an account first, ask them a day ahead.

5. Plan a run of the night

A real party has a shape: arrivals, food, a toast, dancing, the last people standing. An online one needs that shape written down. A simple plan:

6. Give people something to do

• A theme or dress code. Dressing up is half the fun of going out. Pick a colour or a theme.
• A shared playlist. Ask each guest for two songs in advance.
• A quiz about the guest of honour, with mixed teams.
• A cook-along or a cocktail-along, with the shopping list sent a week ahead.
• A game everyone can play, on whatever devices they have.

7. Fight video-call fatigue

Video calls are tiring in a way rooms are not. Researchers have argued that one cause of this “Zoom fatigue” is nonverbal overload: a video call throws more nonverbal cues at you than a face-to-face conversation does. A few fixes help: let people turn their own video off for a while, take a break halfway, keep it short, and give people something to look at that is not each other’s faces.

8. Try a place instead of a call

The biggest upgrade for an online party is often to stop holding it on a video call at all, and to meet in a shared 3D place instead. In a virtual world, guests have bodies, a room to walk around and somewhere to go. Small groups form and break up naturally, the way they do at a real party, and nobody is stuck in a grid.

One option is AJ Cities, a free open-world browser game set on the edge of Ajegunle, Lagos, whose party mode is a live estate party with other real players. To be clear: it is a virtual party inside the game, with no real venue, no real date and no real ticket. Here is how you would host a party there:

1. Send the link: ajcities.com, choose Party at the estate. It runs in the browser on a phone or a computer, with nothing to download. Every guest signs in with an email and must be 18 or over.
2. Name the world. There are three: always day, always night and real Lagos time. Pick the same one and your guests usually join the same estate, which holds up to 60 players.
3. Set the dress code. The salon and clothes shop by the main gate change hair, skin tone and clothes for free.
4. Make the gate the meeting point. Guests ask the police to let them in; most nights about four in five who ask get in free. Optional tickets from ₦250 open more of the estate for 24 hours.
5. Pick a venue. June 12 Street for a walk and a chat, the beach party, or Prizm, the club, where Joe-Izzy plays every night from 9 pm to 1 am Lagos time.
6. Let the music do some of the work. The estate radio plays the same song at the same moment for every player.

It is not right for every party. It is for adults only, so not for a family party with children, and it is a Lagos night out rather than a blank room you decorate yourself. But for a group of friends who would rather go out than sit on a call, it gives them somewhere to be. If someone has to step away, they can pause and stay in the world as “away” for up to ten minutes.

9. Host like you mean it

• Arrive first and greet everyone.
• Bring in the quiet ones. Ask them a direct, easy question.
• Watch the energy. If it drops, move to the next thing on the plan.
• End on purpose. Thank everyone, say goodbye, and let the stayers stay.

10. Follow up

Send the photos, the playlist or the quiz scores the next day. It makes the party feel like it happened, and makes people say yes next time.

Planning one for December? Read virtual Christmas party ideas or how to join a virtual Detty December.

How long should a virtual party last?

For a video call, ninety minutes to two hours is usually plenty. A party in a shared virtual world can run longer, because people can wander and take breaks.

How do I make a virtual party fun?

Send a proper invitation, plan a run of the night, give people things to do (a theme, a playlist, a quiz, a game) and keep groups small enough to talk.

What is the best platform for a virtual party?

It depends on the party. A video call suits a small catch-up; a shared 3D place, such as the virtual party inside AJ Cities, suits a group who want to go out together.