“Settle the boys”: Lagos police humour, and the gate in AJ Cities

In Nigeria, “settle” does not only mean paying a bill. Said with the right look, at the right roadside, it means paying someone so that a problem goes away. “Settle the boys” is the version everyone knows: give the men at the checkpoint something, and you can go. It turns up in jokes, comedy sketches, songs and group-chat memes, usually with an officer leaning into a car window and a driver sighing.

This article explains the phrase, why Nigerians laugh about it, and the serious problem the laughter covers, using published reporting rather than rumour. Then it introduces the officers in AJ Cities, who are entirely fictional. Nothing here is advice on what to do at a real checkpoint.

What does “settle” mean?

In Nigerian English, to settle someone is to pay them off: a little money so that a delay, a fine, a form or an argument disappears. It is a polite word for something nobody wants to name. A market trader quoted by Human Rights Watch in 2010 described going to a police station to make a complaint and being told the officers reviewing it must be “settled”. As the trader put it, they never call it a bribe: it becomes transport fees, money for paper, and so on.

“The boys” is the friendly part. It turns a uniformed officer into one of the lads, somebody you can reason with. Put together, “settle the boys” is a whole social negotiation in three words.

Why Nigerians joke about it

Because laughing is easier than being angry every day. Humour about checkpoints works the way humour about bad weather works elsewhere: everyone has been through it, so a single line gets a knowing laugh. The jokes usually turn on the same few things:

• The euphemisms. Nobody in the joke ever asks for a bribe. He asks after your family, admires your car, notices how hot the day is, and wonders aloud whether there is anything “for the boys”.
• The theatre. The long look at your papers, the sudden interest in your fire extinguisher, the sigh that means a speech is coming.
• The reversal. The driver who is braver than he should be, or the officer who turns out to be the most honest man on the road.

In AJ Cities, one of the gate officers sums up the attitude in four words: “Police must eat too.” Half excuse, half shrug. It points, if only in a joke, at something real: when #EndSARS protesters marched in 2020, one of their demands was better pay for officers, so that the police would be properly paid for protecting people.

The problem under the joke

The humour sits on top of something serious. In 2010 Human Rights Watch published a long report on corruption in the Nigeria Police Force, called “Everyone’s in on the Game”. Among its findings:

• Roadblocks and checkpoints were the most common place for police extortion.
• In one Lagos district, Bariga, drivers described paying what amounted to a daily toll.
• Commercial minibus drivers said they routinely paid a small sum to the first officer at a checkpoint.
• Drivers who refused could have vehicles impounded, be detained or be beaten.
• A system of “returns”, in which junior officers pass money up to their superiors, kept the practice going.

Police leaders had ordered checkpoints removed, and the report found the practice continued under other names. In 2019 and 2020 several officers, including some in Lagos, were arrested after being filmed taking money from motorists. In October 2020, nationwide #EndSARS protests against police brutality and extortion by the Special Anti-Robbery Squad led the authorities to dissolve the unit on 11 October 2020, and the protests ended in the shooting at the Lekki toll gate on 20 October. A new Nigeria Police Act had been signed in September 2020.

So the joke is not just a joke. It is how people talk about a real cost, and a real danger, that falls hardest on drivers, traders and young men who cannot afford it.

Not advice

This article is about language and humour. It is not a guide to dealing with police, and we do not suggest paying anyone anything. If you are travelling in Nigeria, carry your documents, stay calm and polite, and take local advice from people you trust.

The gate in AJ Cities

AJ Cities is a free browser game set on the edge of Ajegunle, Lagos, and its police are made up, written to be funny, tired, sometimes greedy and sometimes kind. They are not based on any real officer or unit.

• Officer Sola and Officer Tunde hold the north gate of the estate. Sola is always on his phone and has decided that AJ came back across the Sahara from Libya; Tunde leans on everything, including, AJ suspects, the afternoon. They will open the gate once AJ has “settled” them: ₦2,500,000, in the game’s play money, paid a little at a time in ₦1,000, ₦5,000 or ₦20,000 instalments.
• In the bush, Oga Radio, Biscuit and a quiet third are on a smoke break that never ends. Oga Radio lends his shotgun for bottle practice and wants it back before you leave.
• At the main gate in the live mode, Niyi runs the queue and Kemi cracks the jokes. Ask nicely and most nights they let you in, about four guests in five, for nothing. Not every officer takes an envelope. Kemi doesn’t.

Watching all of it from his window at the gatehouse is Sarge, a retired soldier from Kano who sells snacks and medicine and has told the officers that his radio outranks their whistle. Nobody has argued. Meet them all on the officers’ page, or go and stand at the main gate yourself.

What does “settle the boys” mean?

It is Nigerian slang for paying someone, usually police at a checkpoint, so that a problem goes away. “Settle” is a euphemism for a payoff.

Why do Nigerians joke about police checkpoints?

Because almost everyone has a story. Humour is a way of talking about a real and widely reported problem of extortion at roadblocks.

Are the police in AJ Cities real?

No. Officer Sola, Officer Tunde and the rest are fictional characters in the game, not based on any real officer or unit.

How do you open the north gate in AJ Cities?

Pay Officer Sola and Officer Tunde ₦2,500,000 of AJ’s in-game play money, a little at a time, in ₦1,000, ₦5,000 or ₦20,000 instalments.